I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize