i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
