When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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