I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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