mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
