i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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