Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
