Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
You are the jesus of drinking
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
