If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
