oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
