I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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