i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
