it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
