scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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