I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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