she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Found the puke drawer
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
