What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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