Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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