there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
