The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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