I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
