sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
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