i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Randomize