when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
