I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i think i have two assholes
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
