Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
