Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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