i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
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