I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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