Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
