it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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