He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
