just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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