I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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