??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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