I accidentally had phone sex last night
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
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