Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
