Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
