Whatcha textin bout Willis?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
