I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Randomize
