I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
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