dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
