I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
