So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
