Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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