I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize