every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize