Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
