my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
