how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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