is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
