I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
