The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I would ride that face into the sunset
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
