doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
