I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
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