I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
third nipple confirmed
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize