whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
