For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
