shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
