Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
