Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
