So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
You made out with two different species that night
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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