Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize