sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
