Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize