I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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