Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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