when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Randomize
