I think I died a long time ago.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
