you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
