I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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