I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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