you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
